Yeh safar

zindagi bhar yaad rahega, marte dum tak!

These were the words of our rickshaw driver on one of the days when we travelled from Santacruz to Borivali. I was feeling very tired after few hours of shopping and the thought of another hour to go before we get home, slightly rusted my happy spirits. Little I knew that was not going to last long and this ordinary journey home would turn out to be hilarious and a memorable one.

This is an extract from what I remember of this, no doubt I have missed out few comments. Characters short forms : RD = Rickshaw driver. B = me, K = Krazzy K and U = Mrs Patel ;)

Soon after getting into this rickshaw, I realised this was going to be quite a ride, as the riskshaw driver was driving his rickshaw like he was on formula one route, when my impatience got better of me, I asked him "Bhaiya aap ko rickshaw mein seat belt rakhna chahiye, aap aisi masti main chalate ho ki kya pata ek passenger edhar se gaya or ek udhar se" and what followed is this....

RD "Aap dua karo ki ek din meri khudki bhi rickshaw ho aur main jaroor seat belt lagwaunga"
B "Hum dua karte hain aap ki 10 rickshaw ho par seat belt lagwana nahi bhulna"
B " Aap side mirror kya is liye rakhte ho ki bar bar check karlo kahi passenger gir to nahi gaye?" ;)
RD “Nahi aise koi baat nahi, kabhi ese estimal bhi karlete hai, vaise to yaha ka asul hai bas aage ka khyal rakho, phiche ki parwa phiche wale ko karne do, es liye mirror ka hona jaruri nahi”

This is what I call an "organised choas", everyone knows what they are doing but it looks very chaotic and scarry to visitors like me who like some discipline.

K "To yeh kiski rickshaw hai?"
RD "Bhade (rent) ki, hum raat to chalate hai, shaam ke 7 se subh ke 6 tak”
K “Aap kitna bhada dete ho ek raat ka?”
RD “Ek raat ka 150 bhada bharte hai"
K "To aap ka kharcha nikal jata hai esme?"
RD "kharcha bhi nikalta hai aur 200/300 bachat bhi hoti hai"
B "Kya aap ki shaadi ho gayi hai?"
RD "nahi"
B "Tab bhi to paise bachte hai, shaadi karlo paise aur baal dono chale jayenge" ;)
RD "yeh shadi ke chakar mein he hum ghar se rafoo chakkar ho gaye, malum chala tha ki humare ghar wale humri shadi kahi karne wale hai to hum rafoo chakkar ho gaye, ghar walo ko aaj tak pata nahi hum kaha hai"

I thought now that sounds interesting, so I continued further "kyun, aap shaadi se dar gaye ya hone wali biwi se?" ;)
RD smiling "Humne bahoot logo ki buri haalat dekhi hai shadi ke baad. Shadi karke pachtate hai. Hume yeh manjoor nahi to rafoo chakkar ho gaye"
U "aapko ghar ki yaad nahi aati?"
RD "ghar ki yaad to bahoot aati hai par kuch halat hi ese they"

B "Aap kitne saal ke ho?"
RD " 26 saal, ek mahina or ek din"
U "ek ghanta to nahi na?" :)
RD smiling "nahi woh abhi tak to nahi hua"
B "aap ka naam kya hai?"
RD "Duniya ne itne naam diye hai ki hum khudka hi naam bhul gaye" I naively thought he probably has nick names like I have, so asked "really, kaunse naam diye hai aapko?"
RD "Kuta, kamina......... "
Suddenly there was silence in the rickshaw. Then he continued "kabhi kabhi to maar bhi khana padta hai"
B jokingly "To aap rickshaw mein hockey stick rakhlo :)"
RD "us se kaam nahi chalta, Bambu haina" all of us were puzzled thinking he said bomb haina
B "Bhaiya aap kya rakhte ho?!!!?"
RD "Lohe ka bamboo, jo kabhi jaroor padi to nikal dete hai aur estemaal bhi karlete"
B "oh Bamboo stick! phew! hum to dar gaye ki aap rickshaw main bomb rakhte ho. OK lets hope we don’t need it today"

B "aap ka asli naam kya hai?"
RD "humra naam Raju hai"
B "Raju Srivastav? jo TV main aate hai aur sabko hasate hai?"
RD "kaha woh aur kaha hum, humari esi haisiyat kaha ki hum tv main aaye?"
B "aap bolte bhi Raju Srivastav ki jaisehe. aur aap logo ko hasate bhi uski tarah ho. kya aap bhi bihari ho?"
U "par aap Raju Srivastav se jyada aacha kaam karte ho. Itne fast rickshaw chalake, sab ko ghar unke family ke paas safely aur jaldi pochate ho, aur woh bhi hasake".

After brief silence RD continued "aaj pehli baar aise log humri rickshaw mein bethe hain jo khule dimag ke hai, aur humse khulke baat karte hai, nahi to ese muh latkake log aate hai ki lagta hai jaise ghar wali se jagadke aaye ho"
B "humari shaadi nahi hui haina tabhi to hum itna hus rahe hai. Han yeh baat alag hai ki agar kalko, aap ki rickshaw main yaha se ek chota handsome ladka gusse mein bethe to samaj lena woh humara bhai hai jiski abhi abhi shaadi hui hai, aur wo meri yeh pyari si bhabhi se jagad ke aaya hai" ;)
U "hey not fair didi..." :)

Then the driver gets out of the rickshaw to see why there is a traffic jam and if there are any tiny areas where he could get his rickshaw through. He repeated this reviewing of the route few times until we got to Borivali. Numerous times I thought his rickshaw will hit another vehicle or simply roll over with us three in it and that also without the seat belts; but I must admit he was a very good driver and it was me who was not made to travel on Mumbai roads.
Once when he got out to do his regular check of traffic jams, K said "bhaiya aap ese bahar jaate ho, koi gunda yaha aajaye aur aapko dhaka deke, yeh rickshaw main hume utha le jaye to?!!!"
RD "aisa ho hi nahi sakta, aap befikra raho"
B "bhaiya chinta mat karo, yeh meri bahan ko jo le jayega woh ek hi ghante main wapas bhi chodke jayega, upar se pair pakade maafi mange ga aur yeh kahega humse bahoot badi galti ho gaye hume maaf karlo, yeh bahoot dimaag khati hai yeh hume paagal kardegee."

More laughter…..

RD "humare parivar ke paas 3 rickshaw hai"
K "to woh kaun chalata hai?"
RD "ek bhai chalata hai or baki bhade pe dete hai"
B "bhaiya aap ghar ki 3 rickshaw ko chodke, yaha bhade ki rickshaw chalate ho, bhade ki biwi le aate, ghar hi nahi chodna padta"
RD laughing "aise thodi hota hai, thode din chalta yeh natak?"
B "kyun nahi chalta, jaroorat padi to bachaa bhi bhade pe miljata, yaha bhade pe sab kuch milta hai"; remembering K's story about a fake wedding that she told me once, I continued "shaadi main baraati bhi bhade ke milte hai" ;)
RD "yeh baat aapne sahi kahi, aaj kal shadi ke dahej mein bacha saath aata hai :)"
RD continued "Gao mein abhi bhi etna kharab nahi jitna shahro main, bahut kharab waqt hai"
K "yeh saab serials main hota hain na, char char bar shaadi karte hai log, yeh sab dekhenge to thoda influence to aaye ga na?"

B "humne yeh he badi galti ki, serial main kam karna tha, aab tak to humari shaadi ho chuki hoti, atleast ek bar"
RD "Shakal kaha ki koi serial main role de"
K and I wondering with raised eyebrows "huh"
RD continues "kute bhi nahi bhokenge" at which point I had to calmly and jokingly query him "Aap humari baat kar rahe ho ya apni?"
RD "aap ko esa bole humari himat kaha, woh to hum apni baat kar rahe they."
He then continued "Aap to humare customer ho hum aapko esa nahi kah sakte, hume jute nahi khane"
B "to chalo theek hai kyuki humari juti bahar aahee gayi thee" ;)

At this point everyone was in stitches laughing so much as he had not realised I was talking about me and he made those comments thinking we were talking about him.

RD "yeh safar zindagi bhar yaad rahega, marte dum tak."
K "humne etna dimag khaya, etne question kiye phir bhi aap itna acha kahte ho"
B "Aap humari ek baat maanlo, aap ke pas 10 min hai ghar phone karne ke liye, phir humara ghar aajayega aur hum chalejayenge, aap ek bar phone karlo sab kuch thik ho jayega."

RD "na baba woh hume dhoodh lenge kyunki unhe pata chal jayega ki hum Bumbai mein hai.”
U " bhaiya to aap humara phone lelo aur apne family se baat karlo, unhe pata nahi chalega yeh kiska number hai......."

All three of tried to convince him but until we reached our destination he didnt call his home, he said he misses his family but fears if he did they would find him and then he will have to get married and getting married means barbadi................ I sensed there was more to this story then met the eyes……nevertheless it was a laughter filled journey that we throughly enjoyed.

This was the fastest rickshaw ride I have ever been on in my life; and while at times his driving scared the hell out of me, I realised why people in India don’t need fun ride parks, the journeys on Mumbai roads gives enough thrills!!! The Mumbai roads are crazy but there is some logic to it which the drivers looked like they understoood. Indians are big risk takers, whether it be in a business, marriage or while driving. On numerous occassions I felt ignorance was really a bliss especially when it comes to driving in India, some of the safety measures that are considered essential in the West, are really not a necessity and people are happy to take a risk (probably unknown), Or is it that the West has gone too far in some instances when it comes to health and safety? I wonder....

Some journeys gives insight into lot more then we bargain for, like how rickshaw drivers are treated; what was a general aimless yapping for us could make someones day! While I hated the noise and pollution in Mumbai, I absolutely loved the buzz of the city…. The place is vibrant, diverse and highly contrasts, and the best of all is there is something for everyone the rich, middle and poor classes….Infact that applies across whole of India. While I couldnt live in Mumbai, I certainly hope to discover more of Mumbai when I am there again. Its very industrial, people work very hard to earn the living, for millions it is a necessity to fight the poverty and survive the harsh realities. And I think this very necessity to “survive the poverty” coupled with some courageous Mumbaivasi will never let any terrorists or natural calamities defeat the spirit of Mumbai!

Bhumi